The concept, rethinking the believe, behave, belong model.
First of all, lets take a look at Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. I’m doing this, not to examine gender, but more so how they acted, and some underlying traits.
Luke 10:38-42
38Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. 39She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word. 40But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” 41But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; 42 but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”
John 11: 17-27
17On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. 18Bethany was less than two miles[a] from Jerusalem, and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. 20When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home. “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise again.” Martha answered, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; 26and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?”"Yes, Lord,” she told him, “I believe that you are the Christ, the Son of God, who was to come into the world.”
John 12:1-3
1Six days before the Passover, Jesus arrived at Bethany, where Lazarus lived, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. 2Here a dinner was given in Jesus’ honor. Martha served, while Lazarus was among those reclining at the table with him. 3Then Mary took about a pint[a] of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.
One of the things thats interesting about Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, is their basic approach to life.
Martha is an active fixer, if there is task at hand, she jumps in and gets in done, she is not one to mess around. She may miss the forest for the trees a bit initially, but she will come around once she hears the word of Christ.
Mary is a contemplator, she listens, she takes it all in, she is not afraid to respond with emotion or take action, but listening is a major gift which she has been granted.
We dont know a whole lot about Lazarus, he appears pretty passive, albeit his getting sick, dieing, and then coming back to life no doubt gave him a much different approach to life than most. Yet, he too was reclining at the table with Jesus.
In todays society, a lot of folks are fixers, including ministry staff. Ie, need help with something, fixers will jump in, it could be physical, ie helping someone move, fixing a car, putting a new roof on the church, or it may be spiritual, or it may even be artistic. If something needs to be fixed, or worked on, you can be sure a fixer will volunteer, just as Mary did throughout scripture. She was always serving, even if to a fault as when Jesus initially called her out. Its interesting to note, when it comes to a church work project, guys will come out of the woodwork, but not so much when it comes to small groups men’s ministry.
By the same token, many are contemplators. Some can run circles around fixers when it comes to listening, and making sure the proper order of things is maintained. Ie when to sit quietly and listen, when to take action. Its interesting to note how active and how pervasive women’s small groups can be whether it be for Bible study or for prayer are in contrast with mens.
A lot of folks of both genders are pretty passive like Lazarus was as well. They come to Christ not so much by actively getting involved either by fixing, or contemplation, but more so I think the still small voice of the Holy Spirit. They dont need a task, they dont need contemplation and listening, they dont even need fancy programs. God calls them, and things happen.
So here is the deal… in todays soceity, the church for the most part is set up for folks to believe, behave, and then finally belong/participate. If one is a contemplator or passively interested, this works out pretty well, each step is a logical progression, and there really isnt much of a discontinuity between steps. For example, @mikifili asked if folks were interested in small groups. If one is a contemplator or passively interested type, there is a medium to high probability of interest. He had 88 out of 122 women express interest in his groups.
If one is a fixer… my guess is the thinking is along the line of “well, where is my time best spent, hmmm, probably not in a small group, they are lame. Much more can be accomplished by being out in the world, and by individual prayer, devotion, and study. Besides, that, we have Sunday for common worship.” The belong/participate functionality beyond Sunday AM has a pretty low priority. In many ways, it parallels the “I love Jesus, but not the church” thing and is the counter to “I love the church, but not Jesus” thing, which sadly has invaded many churches.
If we rethink the framing, why not put out a survey asking for help to put on a new roof on a Bible camp’s chapel, or serving in any number of other ways. Fixers are drawn to solve problems, despite a disdain for church outside a specific window. It can be an incredible draw. I look at myself… ask me to a dominionist, semi-pelagian, or non trin Bible study, and the answer will likely be no, or maybe a one shot deal for curiousities sake. Ask me to physicially help out a dominionist, semi-pelagian, or non trin church with a service project, and by all means I’d jump in. In many ways, this approach to fixers in the church membership, is similar to the inversion of the believe, behave, belong/participate model for those outside the church… but just as the inversion model is difficult to implement to reach those outside, its also a lot harder to implement for those inside.
Its very easy to do service, without edification, relationship building, or growth of those serving… and while the outcome is a good thing, ie new roofs, hungry fed, the poor served, far too much ends up left on the table. The key with the fold over or inversion model, is to use service as an entry point, not an end in and of itself.
If approached with a goal/game plan beyond direct service to others, such can be a pretty powerful tool whether used for outreach, or for building up ones own internal groups. The key I think is putting a plan in place to foster, but not force the issue. Ie forcing things through is likely to become counter productive pretty fast.
No doubt there are a multitude of ways to approach men’s ministry. Some work within a given construct, some crash and burn. Ultimately, one size does not fit all, and the key I think is to be open to what ones hears within their own group. All I’ve provided here, is a potential launch point to foster greater initial involvement. If one then follows up with some type of canned deal “The Fonz jumping a shark”which is out of sync with the specific mens intrinsic motivators, no matter how many show up on day 1, future attendence is likely to drop like a rock. This is one area where organic growth is absolutely critical.
The concept above was inspired by the writings of @adiaphora, and @feralpastor, but also a response I made over at #luthermergent a ways back. The whole deal had sort of slipped my mind, until I came across a post by @mikefili entitled THE CHURCH’S DEADLY RATIO PART I: THE PROBLEM
Awesome post, friend! This question of how to provide an acceptable “front door” to deep church involvement for marginally-interested men is forever on my mind. I like your idea of an “inverse model” where we first invite certain “fixer” types into hands-on activities before more relationally intensive activities like a small group. I’ve seen some churches that have a very set system of “Sunday morning is our front door, then small groups, then serving” who miss out on greater involvement had they had a more flexible model, but I’ve also seen churches with so many “front doors” that they don’t really involve anyone at a deep level, because everyone just does what makes them comfortable, and don’t see the need to participate beyond that. I’m trying to figure out how to balance all these tensions still.