Ask just about any men in church for an honest answer about men’s ministry, and they will say it sucks (albeit, for the most, the language will be less direct, but sadly the thinking is much the same). Its not that the leader is bad, or the program is lame, or that they are going off in lala land theologically, its that hardly any guys show up.
Ask church leaders, about gender ratios of active Christians, and they will say women outnumber men multifold. When Rich and I were leaders, we used to say, “we’re drowning here…” (paraphrasing Jack Nicholson) I think we were outnumbered 6:1 at one point.
Two questions then come to mind. First, does mens ministry really matter, and second is there something we are doing, or not doing which is contributing to its lacking.
As one who ascribes to egalitarian theology, I’ve traditionally viewed this as a “well, if God isnt calling these folks at this time, ok, I will deal with what God has placed before me”. If it means I’m the only guy, ok. If it means its a evenly mixed group, ok. If its even leaning the other way, ok. Its Gods call, not mine.
I also must fess up a bit. I’ve been critical of some whose calling is in mens ministry. Some appear to spend so much time with ratio balancing, programming, and other ministry models to reach men, they seemingly fail to serve the folks right in front of them. I have to remind myself, we all have different callings, and if a person has a heart for men’s ministry, they need encouragement, not criticism, albeit one must bear in mind, not to get sidetracked so much with working with strategies and models of ministry, one forgets to minister.
By the same token, I feel badly for the lack of men’s engagement and participation. Its not so much the lack of men’s ministry programs that bugs me, but more so these guys are missing out. As such, I’ve tried try to rally the guys over the years, but I have to admit, success has been pretty limited. Its often a lot easier to rally a bunch of guys to put a roof on a church, or even for a mens choir, than it is to build a men’s small group.
One thing I did a few years back was to ask guys what was wrong, and why they didnt participate. I added in a caveat that I wanted total honestly, nothing was too brutal.
Ultimately, the overall answer I got back was inconclusive. There were just as many this is the problem answers, to nearly 180 degree opposed answers. Its not feminization, relevance, schedule, lack of manliness, lack of relationships, nor is it even the hypocritcal nature of many churches. Not a single apparent answer could pass muster against other answers, albeit all of the above have been proposed as the reasons for failures in mens ministries. This does not mean they are not barriers for some, but even if all of the above were addressed, its unlikely to have much of an impact.
Being the obvious solutions are off the table, perhaps we might choose to go against common wisdom, and throw out all the things commonly done to make it easier.
Case in point, what if one were to have an event… do not advertise, make it near impossible to get to, charge ~$300, do not have air conditioning, electricity, water, or any conveniences beyond what one can haul in, put it out in the middle of the desert, where folks can be burned by the sun, scrubbed raw by the wind, parched by the lack of water subject to what one brought, and throw in a few days of 24 hour loud music, such that sleep is near impossible, and then make it mandatory when folks leave, they must not leave a trace…. and if the pursuit of art, self expression, and a host of other innate human needs can turn a small part of the desert into Black Rock City, a city of ~50,000 people for a mere 8 days a year, imagine what the pursuit of Jesus could do?
I’m not sure men I know would say that men’s ministry sucks. I think they would say, mens’s ministry, what mens’s ministry???. I didn’t know we had one.
Actually, at out church, there was something successful going on a couple of years ago. Guys attended and, from my outside view, it seemed successful. But it was due to the organizing skill of one guy, who has had a lot of other things on his plate the last year and a half, hence, nothing seems to be happening any more.